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[themenumaker]

You cannot believe the number of asinine calls I get. And here's the deal ... I provide a "service"; so in order to make money, I have to be performing that service! I'm starting to get really pissed at these time-killers, can you tell??!!

I sell MS Word templates on line ... I get customers who don't have Word call me, unable to figure out why the "program" doesn't work. Yesterday it was a guy who tried the sample (free), and couldn't figure out how to make it work. (He had Word viewer ...)

A guy just called, and said his manager left, and stole his menu off his computer. Could I de-activate it. 10 minutes later we determine that she had bought my Guide AND software ... and not from me!!

I'm going to redo my website -- I have two options on my splash page; they are full-service and self-service. I get calls, "what exactly do you do?" Hello, can you frikkin' read??!! And then they ALWAYS say, "oh, *laugh laugh* I should have read that!"


Ya think???

And I LOVE this one! Customer ordered the wrong size menu jacket. Hey, it happens, maybe I can work with him. (I've ordered the wrong size ...) But I didn't, and here's why; he was an what a mighty fine bum... can I lick it? to me. Somehow it was all my fault as I didn't send a confirmation email. and he didn't get the one from PayPal either. (So what makes him think that he'd get one from me?) So I went through my on-line ordering process and on each page, before the sale is final, it lists the item ordered. And there's FIVE pages!!

I am SICK of people!! What am I gonna do? The salespeople ... charities ... I can hire someone to answer the phone, and then they'd get me to take the call!

Jane, The "it's gotta be five o'clock somewhere" Menu Maker
(thanks, that felt good!)

[Lisa Preston]

LOL!!
OMG, I can TOTALLY relate!!!!
As a matter of fact, I stopped using the telephone altogether.
Sounds like it can't be done, right? HA!
I did.
If people want to reach me, I have a new system.
To ask questions about the product, they see a big button on the site that says
"QUESTION? Click here!"
That takes them to a FAQ page with every conceivable idiotic question you've ever gotten.
At the bottom of that page, another big question mark:
"You still have a question not found here? CLICK HERE!"
THAT takes them to a support desk. Tickets don't get "lost".
My support desk allows me to send "canned replies" for dumb questions, and if i get too many of the same one, i add it to the FAQ. I also remind them to revisit the FAQ before submitting a ticket, as any question answered there will be deleted. Saves time.
If a client is a customer who you really MUST talk to, I only use Skype. That way you can turn them on and off once you're done.
Voila! No more long-winded stupid people taking up my time!!

[themenumaker]

LMAO!!

"what a mighty fine bum... can I lick it?" (long hand for a-hole)

That'll teach me to use profanity on this board!

Wow ... a day without talking to anyone ... I have a FAQ, but I've had to explain where it is on the phone!

I'm going to take my number off the webpages. Will I lose credibility?

Jane, The Menu Maker, whether I want to be or not

[Lisa Preston]

Yep - keep in mind how completely stupid some people are, and make those links or buttons HUGE.
Leave no room for doubt!!

Oh, and yes... Tony spent an afternoon chortling with glee as he created the profanity filters... LOL!!

[Chris Lockwood]

This is why I don't publish phone numbers on my sites.

[Joseph Ratliff]

You might want to include a link to OpenOffice.org to download a program to handle opening their product.

Could be in an email, on the download page, etc...

And your phone number doesn't seem totally necessary, but you have to balance that with seeming accessible to your clients.

[wholesalerjoe]

 I agree flipping every call  I get is someone that needs to go back to the pickle factory and resume the 8 to 5 as the internet is not for them!  I don't mind helping people but I got a business to run and most of my work requires a keyboard and two fingers (yes I henpeck)....  When people call geez they cant get a simple question it turns into the fact they are disabled, broke, need charity, and or wish to chat hours on how to get started with thier on line business...........  None the less they are not willing to pay for a consultation...... So I finally had enough I created a help desk at www.wholesalesupportdesk.com works awesome I get bout 5 inquires a day, my sales are up as I have time now to make more sites and focus on marketing and coversions and order fulfillment versus running to the phone to answer EGUBE, ANDREW, OR TANISHAS (Cousin of Tony Blake)  CALLS! AHAH  I agree people can read and type requests via the support desk or get off my porch as I can do just fine alone......   However I do need LISA and others who help me online and have never chatted with them on the phone!

[Rick Wilson]

Don't know why, but for some reason, this thread "cracked" me up!